“You like this, don’t you?”
“I love seeing people come up with an understanding of who they are on the inside,” she said gently. “It’s important in understanding those aspects of who you are in order to let them go and to improve, to become somebody else.”
“And is it possible to let it go and to become somebody else? A better version of myself?” he asked. “Because I really don’t like what I’m seeing—hearing—right now.”
“Good,” she said immediately. “That sounds like a good thing to me.”
“Maybe,” he murmured. “I just don’t know how to let it go.”
“Well, first off, you have to stop judging your sister for being who she is.”
He winced at that. “God that sounds awful,” he murmured to himself.
“And I’m sure she would agree with you.”
“I really love her, you know?”
“Good,” she replied gently. “And I don’t doubt that. Don’t get me wrong. Just because you have these thoughts in your head doesn’t mean that you don’t care for this person, but it’s your way of separating what happened to her and what is happening to you and then how you would handle it, should it happen to you.”
It was convoluted, but he really did get it. And the fact that he did get it scared him even more. “I sound like a jerk,” he said immediately.
She burst out laughing. “Nope, not at all, just a human being, somebody who’s trying to work his way through this preamble to get somewhere specific. To not fail. To not have yet another reason to blame yourself for not being good enough.”
He shook his head. “It’s amazing that all this is even inside my brain,” he stated. “I didn’t think I was that much of a mess.”
“I don’t know that you’re a mess at all,” she declared gently. “And the fact that you’re looking at this means that you’re not as much of a mess as you might have been afraid you were.”
“Because I’m looking at it?” he asked her.
She nodded. “The real mess is when we don’t look at it, and it all just churns up on the inside and becomes this nightmare that you don’t really want to deal with.”
He nodded. “I get that, and you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.”
“Good.” She nodded. “And now here’s another one, a big one. If it does happen and if you do have a setback, what’s the worst thing that can happen?”
“The worst thing that can happen?” He shrugged. “I’d slide backward and would have to come back here full-time.”
“And then what?” she asked curiously. “Would you consider that a failure?”
He frowned. “Probably,… but the only other option would be to buckle down and to get the job done right.”
“So, if you don’t do the job right, it’s likely to happen? However, if you buckle in and do the job right, you’re likely to avoid a relapse?”
“That makes sense, yes.”
“So then your answer for right now, as to what to do to avoid this supposed failure?”
“Buckle up and make sure it doesn’t happen. I never had any intention of doing anything other than that.”
“I know you didn’t,” she said. “It’s just a matter of making sure our intentions are clear and free of judgment, and you understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.”
He smiled. “And to make sure that I’m not doing it for the wrong reasons, like for somebody else.”
“Exactly. And who else would you do it for?” she asked, tilting her head and staring at him.
He shook his head. “Oh no, you don’t. I’m not talking about my love life.”
At that, she burst out laughing in delight. “Ah, but thereisa love life, isn’t there?”