Iglance up at the sky and remember that it should be blue. I know what blue is. That is a memory that doesn’t sting, though I miss the sun. I’m not sure if it’s being around her, or the sex that is unlocking my mind. I had hoped, and feared, that there would be other physical changes but other than my two fingers I seem to be stubbornly monstrous.
Most of the memories she has returned hurt. They grate on my skin and my mind and torment me with the person I was—and I’m not even sure that he was a good person, but he sure as hell wasn’t a monster.
When I think of him, I feel the resentment that his life was being sucked away by caring for a man who should be caring for his kids. A bitterness that it fell on his shoulders to make ends meet. And that he never got to be a kid.
I am aware of the weight of my horns now, and the way they impact every movement. More so now I’ve lost an eye. I want to swivel my head and glance at her, but it will be too obvious as she walks on my bad side, being my eye to scan for trouble. Tail is scouting to give us an earlier warning if monsters are approaching.
While I need help to protect her, especially since she wants to go to the center, I also wish I could have kept her to myself. She’s Julie, the girl I wanted for most of my last two years of school. And now she is mine, I need to share her. And she doesn’t even care how many monsters she fucks as long as she gets home.
Home means she’s away from me.
As much as I want to go home, and Tail thinks it is possible, I’m not as convinced. That means remembering and changing a lot, and I don’t think it’s going to be easy, not if we must fight our way to the center.
There is another doubt that I can’t give voice to. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to face the torment of changing back. While I don’t remember the pain of becoming this creature, the small changes and memories she has already caused haven’t been painless, and I doubt I will forget them the way I’ve forgotten everything else.
If I don’t leave Under with her, how long until I forget her altogether?
I hear the robe brushing against her skin as she walks. She put her skirt and shirt on underneath, like the more clothes she wears, the safer she’ll be. I want to bridge the silence that has formed between us, but it seems to have taken on a life of its own, becoming a monster that I don’t know how to fight—much like the heat that now swims through my blood in a desire that will never be sated.
In the end, I break the prickly silence because I want to hear her voice, even though it means letting one of my fears run free. “What if we don’t change back enough to leave?”
I don’t want to go back looking like this. I’d rather die.
She’s so quiet that I risk a look. She’s staring a head with a grim expression that I don’t like. I want to kiss those pursed lips, but I can’t, not with this sharp-toothed muzzle.
I didn’t even know what kissing was until I saw Tail claim her lips. All I did was rut her like an animal. She deserves better.
She always did.
I scan the horizon, searching for Tail. Is he watching us, wondering what I’ll do now we are alone? I’m tempted to pull her close to tease him, but if I do, I’ll slide my hand up under her skirt and it wouldn’t stop there. I don’t want to be a mindless beast, filling only my needs.
Tail had her this morning. I wanted to rip into him when I smelled his cum on her skin, even though we are allies, possibly friends, and I need him. Julie needs him. Jealousy stirs in my gut like a rusted knife.
The need and jealousy twist with the knowledge that I enjoyed sharing her with him last night. Before I remembered. What will happen now? Will I be able to stomach sharing her with Tail, and also others?
I try to imagine it and fail because I don’t know how she’ll hold a group of monsters together long enough to accomplish anything. Even the packs that sometimes form don’t last long before fighting breaks out.
“I don’t know how much you need to change to leave.” Her words jolt me out of the tangled mess of my feelings. “And I don’t know how much of the changing is up to you.”
I force a sigh out between my teeth. I need to be human to leave because I can’t return looking like this. And if it is up to me how much of a monster I remain, then I am doomed because I don’t know what to do. “I’m not like you. I didn’t come here with a plan. I didn’t even know this place existed.”
I could never have done what she did. Even now, I marvel at her bravery—which only adds to the toxic mix of things I feel about her. “You have a heart of steel.”
“Uh, thank you? Or are you calling me cold hearted?”
“I don’t think you’re cold. I think you’re fearless. You entered into a deal with a monster you didn’t know. That’s brave.”
“What else was I supposed to do? Die?”
“That’s what most do.” It’s what I had expected to happen to me, yet somehow I survived. “I’m glad you didn’t.” I grab her hand with my much bigger clawed one and her fingers wrap around mine as she accepts the grip of my claws. “I’m sorry I didn’t react well—”
“You don’t need to apologize. It can’t be easy.”
“I’m not here because of you. I wanted an excuse to go out and have fun and knowing that it might be my last chance was enough.”
“But it wasn’t your last chance, because we got this one.”
I can hear the smile in her voice. How she can find anything to smile about in this place, I don’t understand. “You didn’t know it was me when you offered yourself.”